BFF* - No Need to Choose Just One

Friends are very important to me. Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs Typology test? If so, you may have been frustrated by the forced choice of some of the questions. One question really annoyed me: Would you rather have a FEW DEEP friendships or MANY SHALLOW friendships. I always wanted to answer, "I would rather have MANY DEEP friendships!" But the test didn't allow that answer, so it seemed life didn't either. Recently I attended Treasure Maps to the Soul, a retreat which artfully challenged that limited belief.

Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin teach Inner Relationship Focusing and have developed Treasure Maps to work with places in our lives where we tend to feel stuck - old patterns that have not given way despite therapy, affirmations, fire walking, or church. It was a fascinating week over-all, but one concept in particular grabbed me. Barbara and Ann claim we live in a BOTH/AND world. We can have our cake and eat it too.

Driving home from Calistoga to Ashland, I mused about that idea of BOTH/AND and remembered the "few deep" vs "many shallow" friendship question. As I drove the curving road leading out of the Napa Valley I realized that I had, indeed, created a life in which I have many deep friendships. In my case it happens that a lot of these friends live elsewhere. We don't have regular quality time. In some cases we only get together every few years, but each visit is extremely meaningful. In this important area of my life I have, indeed, been able to have my cake and eat it too. Yum.

(Could it be that we rarely, maybe never, have to choose between things that really matter to us? If your life sometimes feels like important needs are being overlooked, abandoned, or buried, you might want to consider Focusing.)

The picture with this post is a SoulCollage card honoring Ann and Barbara. More SoulCollage cards at SoulCollage Talkabout.

* Best Friend Forever

The Human Cost of War

As I drove to town this morning I was stunned to see a display of white and red flags completely covering the lawns of Southern Oregon University. They stretched out for blocks! A small sign said Iraq War Memorial.

I stopped and talked with some folks at a table on one of the lawns. The exhibit is traveling throughout the country to demonstrate, visually, the cost in lives in Iraq since 2003. Each red flag stands for 5 American deaths. Each white flag stands for at least 5 Iraqi civilian deaths due to the conflict.
The project is called the Iraq Body Count Exhibit. I plan to come over on Saturday to help take down flags. They will then travel to Sacramento where they need 100 volunteers to place flags in front of the California State Capitol for Memorial Day.

Big numbers like 86,000 sort of skid off my brain, but seeing the flags, rows and rows and rows and rows is just heartbreaking.

To learn more about this exhibit or make a donation to help keep it moving, visit iraqbodycountexhibit.org/

Edit: After I wrote this post I found the brochure from the Iraq Body Count Exhibit. They have the number of Iraqi deaths at 655,000 and American deaths 4050. The figure of 86,000 above came from a different site (also informative) www.iraqbodycount.org. They have, obviously, used different sources for determining the number of Iraqi civilian deaths. Whatever the number, it's too many.

Whole Foods - Ashland Style

Like fafner, I am doing my best to make friends with vegetables. I'm planting lettuce and sugar peas along the path to our front door. As soon as I finish writing this post, I'm heading to the kitchen to roast a cauliflower I purchased from Josh and Melissa of Barking Moon Farm. Our local Grower's Market has a number of booths and CSA's similar to theirs. We are blessed here in the Rogue Valley.


Over the past year I've read thousands of words regarding diet and healthy eating. So controversial! Fats, yes or no? Meat, yes or no? Grains, yes or no? But there is some agreement, best summed up by Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. He says, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." And, I would add, the occasional brownie or lemon bar.

I thought it was so sweet of Lydia (comment in last post) to wonder if I was having too much fun to post or was in too much pain. I didn't quite realize that when Spring blew in, blogging would become something I should do rather than something I love doing. I'm not keeping up reading my favorite blogs (see blog roll for some great suggestions) and even find myself skipping The Elder Storyteller's Place to head outdoors. But I'll be posting irradically. If you want to catch the occasional blurb, you can subscribe for e-mail updates. The form is in the sidebar.

Blessings,
Sharry

Big News at the Bottom of This Post

I do get it about memes. I get tagged and I tag 5 more. It’s a great way to network. However, I don't like tagging others. Call me churlish (or shy). I recently was tagged for two memes. The first came from Mismell. Her answers are here. Read mine below.

4 places I’ve been:
Paris (Yes!)
North Uist, Outer Hebrides, Scotland
Kerens, Texas (home of mygrandparents)
The Big Island, Hawaii

4 jobs I’ve had:
Mother (covers a wide territory of duties: job description would take a page) Present activity mostly includes listening and trusting.
High School teacher/counselor (23 years)
Creative movement for kids (a few session s, years and years ago--lots of fun!)
SoulCollage Facilitator (current)

4 shows I tivo:
Zip. Television is barely on my radar.

4 favorite foods:
Brownies, fudgey is best.
Lemon bars with ginger made by Lauri
Apple crisp made by my daughter, Sally.
My mom's peach ice cream.

I was also tagged by Alice, of My Wintersong, to write a 6 word memoir. Easy. It's the tagline to my blog: Sharry’s my name - Connection’s my game
Note: change in tagline May 26, 2008.

Alice’s memoir is here. It was fun to answer these. If you'd like to play, consider yourself tagged!

Here's the BIG NEWS:
I got a lovely e-mail from Emily Lunday Garrett. The story of my contacting her is here. She appreciated hearing from me after so long. Her health is shaky, but her spirit is standing tall and strong. It was a joy to make that connection. I feel blessed.

My Body Says "Quiet"

I arrived home from the Embodied Life retreat with a very sharp pain in my mid-back. It turns out some ribs had gone awry. I've spent the last two weeks mostly lying on my back and breathing consciously. Sort of like meditating all day, interspersed with naps. Apparently something in me was not ready to return to hecticity.

While at Santa Sabina I discovered a poem that delighted me. It’s from a book of poems by Kenneth Koch called New Addresses. The poem is To My Twenties.

To My Twenties

How lucky I ran into you
When everything was possible
For my legs and arms, and with hope in my heart
And so happy to see any woman—
O woman! O my twentieth year!
Basking in you, you
Oasis from both growing and decay
Fantastic unheard of nine-or ten-year oasis
A palm tree, hey! And then another
And another—and water!
I’m still very impressed by you. Whither,
Midst falling decades, have you gone? Oh in what lucky fellow,
Unsure of himself, upset, and unemployable
For the moment in any case, do you live now?
From my window I drop a nickel
By mistake. With
You I race down to get it
But I find there on
The street instead, a good friend,
X_____N_____, who says to me
Kenneth do you have a minute?
And I say yes! I am in my twenties!
I have plenty of time! In you I marry,
In you I first go to France; I make my best friends
In you, and a few enemies. I
Write a lot and am living all the time
And thinking about living. I loved to frequent you
After my teens and before my thirties.
You three together in a bar
I always preferred you because you were midmost
Most lustrous apparently strongest
Although now that I look back on you
What part have you played?
You never, ever, were stingy.
What you gave me you gave whole
But as for telling
Me how best to use it
You weren’t a genius at that.
Twenties, my soul
Is yours for the asking
You know that, if you ever come back.

Yes, each decade has its own charm, doesn’t it? Maybe even its own personality. My own twenties didn’t have nearly so many exclamation marks. I was married and raising two kids! (Wait, there’s an exclamation mark right there!)

I'm still pondering why this poem grabbed me as it did. Something about that twenty year old, that thirty year old, that (you get the idea) past me still operating in the present me. Plus wondering what I'd say to my twenties. Could we finally just sit down and talk?

This Pandora's Box Has Nothing But Gifts

I should be packing. I"m Traveling tomorrow with my friend Sheila to beautiful Santa Sabina for the second installment of the Embodied Life Mentorship Program. Lucky me!

However I can’t drag myself away from my computer because I’ve just discovered a great place to play. Pandora! Have you been there yet? An Internet radio station that plays your kind of music. I can safely make that bold statement because, whatever your likes in music, you’ll find it at Pandora. It’s soooo interactive. That’s why I’m hooked, of course.

It is the outgrowth of the Music Genome Project. This from their website:

Each song in the Music Genome Project is analyzed using up to 400 distinct musical characteristics by a trained music analyst. These attributes capture not only the musical identity of a song, but also the many significant qualities that are relevant to understanding the musical preferences of listeners. The typical music analyst working on the Music Genome Project has a four-year degree in music theory, composition or performance, has passed through a selective screening process and has completed intensive training in the Music Genome's rigorous and precise methodology....

I haven’t had time to explore fully, but the short story is that you choose a favorite song or artist, and Pandora (which means “all gifted” in Greek) plays a similar song or a selection by the artist. They give you a quick explanation of the musical components of your choice and then proceed to choose other songs based on your original selection. Right now I’m listening to Jennifer Berezan’s Returning. And, while I put my clothes into the suitcase, I'll be gifted by Pandora with more of that same vibe. They even give you the rundown on what that vibe is. For example: Fado, by Clannad, has folk roots, new age influence, a subtle use of vocal harmony, etc.

When I've had enough beautiful, mellow, folk-like harmonies, I'll go back and plug in Born to Run.

Memed

Wendy at COPD-Caregiving Is NOT For Wimps! tagged me for a meme. That means I'm suposed to answer some questions about myself.

If you could do anything you want to, what would it be?
If you could paint the (whole) world one color what would it be?
Would you rather be an animal or a person?
If you said animal, which one?
Add your own question.

1. If I could do anything I wanted, I would effectively persuade the United States Government to stop all torture of prisoners and refuse to participate in extradition. Mother Jones showed up in my mailbox today, the whole issue on torture by the USA. I hang my head in sadness over our conduct.

2. I'd paint the world the color of sunlight. Except at night.

3. I'd rather be a person. A person who knows she is an animal and treats her body accordingly. This morning I was thinking my body would probably like to be taken out for a walk, every day.

4. If I were to be an animal, I'd like to be Luna, my cat. Just for a few days. Then I could return to myself and understand her better. You know, like in those movies where the moms and daughters switch roles.

5. My question: If you could give someone a single book, excluding religious texts, to help them with their life, what would it be? A few years back I gave both my kids a book called A Life of One's Own by Joanna Field. I don't believe either of them has read it.

Edit: Wendy commented with the reminder that I was supposed to tag 5 others as part of this meme. OK. OK. (for some reason I feel a bit shy about doing it) I tag Fran at Sacred Ordinary, Cheryl of Art In Everyday, Marianne at Busha Full of Grace, Elaine at Miss Elaine-ous Life, and Taru at Powerful Aging. These are all wonderful women with diverse styles. Check them out.

Love Is In the Air

Today is our Anniversary! Sam and I got engaged 11 years ago. We got married 3 years ago. This SoulCollage card can't begin to capture his quirky personality, but it does show his big loves: spirituality, biking, music, photography, and Luna (our cat). To those loves I better add myself, his kids, his sister and brother, my family, his ex-wife, all our friends, the biking buddies, cats and dogs, trees. He does catch and release for spiders and winces when I cut flowers. He's got a huge heart.

Hugs and kisses, Sam. And hugs and kisses to all you friends and family that make our life rich with support and friendship.

Happy Valentine's Day to all readers of this blog. May love flow in your life today and every day.

Blessings,
Sharry

Surprise!

I got a phone call today. It was Jim LeCroy, a fellow graduate of Arlington Heights High School, class of 1959. He had news for me. Good news. Long story short: he had found out the whereabouts of Emily Lunday, my former journalism teacher. I wrote recently on my other blog, SoulCollage talkabout, about what Mrs. Lunday meant to me. What I didn’t say was that I was making a very serious effort to find her.

Of course I started with Google. Nothing. I called the Fort Worth (Texas) school district; they couldn’t tell me anything without a social security number. I joined Net Detective (a complete bust - they don't even have me). I knew my best hope was former students of hers; she was really a wonderful mentor. So I began asking the few folks I still knew in Fort Worth. My friend, Kaye D. Thornton, had worked under her and was good at keeping up with people. Kaye put me in touch with Jim who recently had dinner with Bill Adams who was also looking for Mrs. Lunday and had some information. Her name is now Emily Lunday Garrett. With that name, Google came through. Ms. Garrett was honored (in 2004) for starting Women in New Roles at Tarrant County College back in 1978. Bill even had an address for her.

Emily Lunday Garrett probably doesn’t remember me. Forty-nine years is a long time. But not too long to say, “I remember you. You really made a difference in my life. Thank you."

That letter is in the mail!

Edit: To see a follow-up of this post see post March 30, 2008

You Don't Have to be Good at This

Meditation, that is. That’s what my teacher, Russell Delman, says. “You don’t have to be good at this. At a deep level meditation is already here.”

I sit in meditation almost every day. Usually just before daylight. Twenty minutes sitting, ten minutes walking, five minutes sitting. It’s a mini version of what we do during the Embodied Life retreats. Sometimes I start reading e-mail and then a few blogs and then make some comments on those blogs and then Sam gets up and I sit for ten minutes or not at all. Consistency is more important than a marathon once a week, but there are really no rules. Today I noticed I was thinking about what to say in this post. But my breath was still there and, eventually, I remembered. The breath is really dependable.

I used to feel like sitting meditation was a digression from my real life: reading, fixing breakfast, walking to the gym, checking the movie reviews, etc. Recently I’m beginning to recognize that sitting and noticing my breath are also real life. Perhaps even more real because I know I’m doing it. That’s called “mindfulness” and after years of sporadic practice, I’m beginning to notice when I’m noticing. Not much to brag about, but I’m satisfied.

I revere Russell. He is a kind and astute teacher. Wise and funny. The SoulCollage card pictured is made to honor him and his teaching. His CD’s offer both guided meditation and Feldenkrais movement instruction.

Another site I recommend is Life is Round – a visual delight. They feature mediation instruction that reflects the idea: the media is the message.

To see a fab SoulCollage card made by my friend Leslie visit SoulCollage talkabout.

Woe Is Me

This is the kind of blog post I vowed never to write. A list of woes is quite uninteresting for folks who have their own troubles thank you very much. So why am I doing it anyway? Because it’s the truth of the moment. Sometimes I forget I am (according to all the spiritual traditions that make sense to me) much bigger than this little, isolated, finite self. This week I’ve felt small. I’ll bullet the complaint list so one may skim.

• I have a cold and my head feels like it's full of, well, what it is full of.


• the Democratic primary contenders are bad mouthing each other


• the Asian market are dropping now too!
  
• I'm reading about people losing their homes and losing their jobs and moving in with their parents, guys in their 40's and 50's


• it's cold out (duh!)


• the usual violence is occurring hither and yon


• Sam, my beloved, is scheduled for radiation on his prostate tumor sometime very soon

I'm sure it's the last that is contributing the most to my heart-heavy outlook. I belong to an e-mail list of prostate warriors. Last week two reports came in from men who had very serious symptoms from their radiation series. Statistically this likelyhood is low, but hearing actual stories is haunting. I worried a lot before Sam began his ADT (androgen deprivation therapy). If you don't count the high blood pressure that has resulted, he has weathered his "therapy" pretty well. His attitude and mood have remained up-beat even as his strength and libido have waned. He is still taking 40 mile bike rides and spinning twice a week. What a guy!

So the truth is that my bleak mood is fingering every negative issue. It's not the markets or the elections or even my aching head; it's my inability to control the outcome of Sam's treatment. Good to know. Thanks for listening.

There are a lot of resources for men (and their wives) regarding prostate issues. Here are a couple: Us Too and Prostate Cancer Research Institute

Books, Not Bombs

I am reading Three Cups of Tea. It is the story of how Greg Mortenson built a school in Korphe, Pakistan, a hamlet at the foot of the Karakoram mountain range. Dr. Greg (as the villagers call him) isn’t wealthy, nor did he have academic degrees. He is just your average Joe. Okay, your average Joe with the will, stamina, and desire to make it almost to the top of K2. Still, what Mortenson did, and is still doing with his Central Asia Institute, is a reminder that individuals can make a huge difference.

I felt inspired reading this book. Inspired to do what I can. To trust that, even though my contributions may not be big, they could be essential and life giving. In fact it reminded me to find and reread a precious memento from my high school teaching days, a stapled bundle of papers handwritten on lined notebook paper. By today’s glitzy presentation standards it is rather humble—but it means a lot to me. Senior Becky Goff summarizes what she learned in my class. This is Becky's final paragraph:

I have always thought that one person could not make a difference in the world, so why try? But this class stresses personal individuality and I have learned that I am as important as everybody else. As my opinion of myself altered, I felt better and more self-assured. So if I had to narrow down all the positive aspects of this class to the most important, it would be my individual gain to becoming a more independent person.

Global Studies Summary, per. 7, Nov. 1, 1988

If I were still teaching Global Studies today, Three Cups of Tea, by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin would be the perfect textbook. We would learn of the wisdom of Haji Ali, nurmadhar of Korphe village. We would learn of the dreams of his granddaughter, Jahan, to become a doctor. We would take in the stark beauty of the mountains and the challenges of crossing the wild Braldu River in only a hand cart. We would learn of Muslim hospitality and the great value placed on friendship.

A country, Pakistan, known mostly through lurid headlines, becomes a place not nearly so different from our own. Many customs differ, of course, but our desire to see our children safe and educated is identical. Mortenson believes the war on terror will be won by books, not bombs. I believe him.

The Call: To A Year of Living Dangerously

At Costco I flipped through The Daring Book for Girls parked right there beside The Dangerous Book for Boys. These books are all about knowing how to do stuff - using a compass, sewing on buttons - things like that. They invite kids to an acoustic life. Hands on. And they must have got me thinking.

I made the SoulCollage card (pictured left) just before the Winter Solstice. It’s entitled The Call. "Called to what?" I’ve wondered. This morning I woke with the sense that I was called to a year of living dangerously*, but I doubt I’ll be heading off to Indonesia. I think my dangerous life includes a component described in the books above, a willingness to engage with life, not as a consumer, but as a learner, with all the floundering and failure learning implies.

Failure makes me very nervous. I was never angrier with my sister, Barrie, than when she entered a swim meet at The Club and came in dead last. Buying a book and reading it is safe. Working on a project that matters could be a real mess. A friend once hurt my feelings. I told him I was scared to write, and he said, “You are afraid to find out you aren’t as good as you think you are.” Blunt, maybe, but accurate.

So I’m ready to live dangerously. Just being myself (in whatever floundering way that can happen). Risking that I will be accepted and loved anyway. Risking that wobbling and a few falls are worth it to learn to write a story or bake bread or whatever else Life calls me to. The Velveteen Rabbit had it right, being Real is not for sissies.

Blessings, Dear Reader, for a creative, perhaps daring, 2008.

* Homage to that great Peter Weir movie of the same name. Remember? Sigourney Weaver, Mel Gibson, Linda Hunt.

Intrigued by SoulCollage? See more at SoulCollage talkabout.

Blessings

I felt uplifted reading Al Gore's Nobel Prize acceptance speech this week. As my friend, Nancy, said, "He has moral courage and integrity."

Gore ended his speech with these inspiring words: We have everything we need to get started, save perhaps political will, but political will is a renewable resource. So let us renew it, and say together: We have a purpose. We are many. For this purpose we will rise, and we will act." Full speech here.

Two other blessings hit the news this week:
1) The United States will cooperate more fully with the world community to deal with climate changes.
2) The United States Senate passes an energy bill with some teeth still in it.

And that's not all! I'm getting ready for a visit from my daughter, Sally, and grandchildren, Eli and Evelyn. It is the first time they have been to Oregon for Christmas.

Plus, just this morning, I found a most delightful series of online posts by Maira Kalman The Principles of Uncertainty (also available as a book). A little extra reading gift for myself. And for you, Dear Reader.

So let's celebrate! Ashland is so beautifully lit for the Holy Days. Photo of the Plaza by Sam. And here is a song by the Threshold Choir. It's called Listen. (Click twice.) Relax for 2+ minutes.

This song is from the album Listening at the Threshold .

What Are Old People For? The Book

For some reason I’d put off reading What are Old People For? Perhaps I thought I knew (or had read) it all. Nope. Author and gerontologist, Dr. William Thomas, has added historic perspective I’d never even considered. On page 64, Dr. Thomas says “…old age is the single greatest achievement in the history of human kind.” He goes on to say, “We remember Caesar, not Caesar’s grandmother. But what would Caesar have been if he had been born into a world without elders?” Right on!

In the early chapters of the book Dr. Thomas is making the claim that societies flourished when they became complex enough to include elders. One of the specific elder roles was, and still is, the transmission of culture. A 21st century example is found in the magazine Natural History where Sarah Grey Thomason describes the heroic contributions of John Peter Paul. (The title of the article is At a Loss for Words, in case you have to search for it.) Paul, a ninety-one year old elder in Montana, puts the welfare of his tribal language, Salish–Pend d’Oreille, above his own health.

But major sacrifices are not necessarily a requirement. Just telling family stories makes us part of the process. I've loved hearing about how my grandmother, Bessie Bruner, always made a wreath when someone in Round Praire (Texas) passed on. No one died without notice, without flowers. Knowing that makes a difference in how I choose to live.

Other elder roles are also Big. It turns out that all this doting on our grandchildren is marvelous, not only for them, but for the whole society. Read all about it in What Are Old People For? And check out that picture of my grandson, Eli. I'm sure he is destined for Carnegie Hall.

Hank Mattimore, blogging at yagrowsoryadies, has his own take on Thomas's book. Check it out.

Action and Other Antidotes

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone......*

I don't think of myself as a highly sensitive person but reading Naomi Wolf's The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot sent me into despair. I put it aside while I considered how to stay informed without becoming depressed. Here is what I came up with:

1) I recognized that the fear I was feeling about losing freedom was similar (identical?) to the fear that is driving those who would pass laws to protect us from The Terrorists. They are as worried for their children, and grandchildren, as I am. Just feeling that empathy was enough to add some perspective.

2) Perspective was what I needed. I had focused too tightly on the spectre of Big Brother. My wonderful NIA teacher, Rachael Resch, reminded me that we should always hold something we love in mind. When I was little my mother would sit with me if I was scared, usually at bedtime. She would quote from the Bible, "What so ever things are beautiful, what so ever things are pure, think on these things." OK, so there is a power grab by the neocons, but good things are happening too. I pictured the wonderful time I'd had in Boston with my daughter Sally and grandchildren, Eli and Evelyn (cartwheel above). And the warm Thanksgiving with my son Fred, his wife Amy, and Sam's daughter, Jennifer, in Eugene. I picked up my Gratitude Journal.

3) I also needed to take political action. Nothing like a dose of helplessness to fuel a bleak mood. So I wrote a letter to the editor regarding Senate Bill 1959. I took a copy of the bill to a friend who teaches government at Ashland High School, so he could talk with his students about it. Plus I offered to mentor a senior project regarding governmental moves toward dictatorship as outlined in Wolf's book. And I left a copy of the book for his class. And I asked our library to get a copy. And I called/faxed the members of the Homeland Security and Government Affairs registering my opposition to S 1959. Whew!

You can read a summary of Wolf's 10 steps to close down an open society here, or watch an excellent interview with Wolf posted on Time Goes By and read more about S 1959, the Thought Crime bill. You can download a copy of the introduction to The End of America here. I encourage you to buy a copy if you can. Give them for Christmas!


We've been warned. Let it fuel something positive.

*Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi
HOME

For the Want of a Nail

Home grown terrorists? Violent radicalization? Big Brother is about to stop all that nonsense! Senate bill S 1959 is out to set up a commission that could dismember our First Amendment rights all in the guise of “protection”. Stopping terrorism is fine, but this bill is so broad it could prevent even writing about the need for health care or protesting oil prices. The Ones In Charge get to decide who might be "dangerous". Without trial.

Two women in Medford, Oregon were forced to leave a public gathering where President Bush was speaking because they wore t-shirts protesting the war in Iraq. Of course I was appalled. With the witch hunting potential of S 1959, they might have been arrested as enemy combatants (homegrown!) as well. My outrage meter is running.

There are two places to learn a lot more about S 1959 (full text of bill). One is a series of posts by Ronnie Bennett at Time Goes By. She lays out the background of this bill which flew through the House of Representatives with only 6 dissenting votes. The other is by daveinchi at Daily Kos.

Perhaps this bill will simply die in committee, but it could just as easily swing in under the radar as did The Patriot Act. After all it is only to study how to muzzle demands for change.

Remember that old story: For the want of a nail, the shoe was lost; for the want of a shoe, the horse was lost; for the want of a horse, the battle was lost, etc. Well, for the want of “nailing” our senators on this one (shout NO) we could lose the right to be blogging, and talking, about dissent at all.

Edit 11/28/07 - more on S 1959 here.

Return to Home page.

Cooking My Life

We saw a good movie last night. It's called How to Cook Your Life. When I bought the tickets, I asked for a ticket to "How to Eat Your Life". That says a lot about me and food. I often think about eating and seldom about cooking. But that will change now, from having this wonderful model of mindful cooking (and living) in my brain bank.

The movie is slow. Beautiful photos of a snail on a wall and Edward Espy Brown cutting carrots. Not everyone will like it. Brown, chef and Buddhist teacher, talks about his own process in learning to accept his human frailties, particularly anger. He also talks about the joy our hands feel when they can be of use, especially in the many movements and rhythms of food preparation. Now when I enter my kitchen I feel part of a larger tradition. I forget the name of the Zen cooking disciples. It starts with a "T" (or is it "D"?) What I do remember is the feel of their dedication to the art of bringing nourishment to the community.

In the film are clips of Brown's teacher, Shunryu Suzuki. In one talk Suzuki Roshi tells of hearing a noisy blue jay. Rather than chafing at the dissonance of the bird's squawks, the monk imagines blending with the sound and becoming a blue jay. At home I went to bed early. Sam was practicing his guitar in the living room. I have to leave the bedroom door open for our cat, Luna, to come and go. Hearing that guitar just flat out annoyed me. I was tired. Wasn't it my right to have a quiet house? So unfair blah blah. Then I remembered the blue jay story. I settled down into the sound: plink, strum, plunk. I was asleep in no time.

Siel, at Emerald City has a good review of the movie-more detail and link to the trailer.

Is Blogging What's Wrong With America?

Following my talk on blogging to a senior computer user's group, a woman remarked, "I just came to see what this group was all about. Actually, I think blogs are what's wrong with America today. People just want to talk about themselves." I may have paraphrased that last sentence, but the rest is a direct quote. Of course the first thing out of my mouth was about the good information on blogs such as Time Goes By, Changing Aging, The Lazy Environmentalist and many others. She didn't care.

I angsted over it all afternoon. Here is what I wish I'd said:

1. Blogging is writing, and writing is good. Writing for the Internet is as valid as writing for any publication. True, there is no editorial gatekeeper deciding what the public should (or will pay) to read. You'll need to think for yourself. I browse blogs the way I browse the magazines in the library, and I subscribe to my favorites. With the comment options blogs provide, we can even interact with authors and other readers.

2. Personal stories are good. Not only for the insight and meaning it offers the writer (like all journaling), but for the insight and meaning it offers readers. Ronni Bennett has a interesting post discussing the importance of sharing about our private lives. Here is an excerpt:

Even if you “only” got married, raised children and tended the backyard garden, you have stories to tell. You especially have stories your children, grandchildren and beyond will care about. Everyone wants to know who and where they came from and what those people were like, how they lived, what they did. Link to the full post.

3. Personal opinions are good. Opinions give us something to chew on, challenge or applaud. Jay Rosen of Press Think has called blogs, "little first amendment machines".


4. Photos are good. Period.

Hey! And what's wrong with talking about yourself? We just need to take turns. It's called conversation.

Cats as Co-workers

Sam and I went to the Southern Oregon Humane Society on Friday to hand over our little red festiva to their Critter Cars program. Several retail stores in Ashland have cats as mascots, but this was over the top! Everyone was busy getting ready for a big fund raising event--the cats didn't seem to slow them down a bit.

Anything worth doing is worth doing...badly

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Yep, that's my new affirmation. When my inner perfectionist comes up with some admonishment regarding what I'm doing, I just say my affirmation.

This might not work for everyone. I remember a story by my tennis coach, Scott Draper, about 20 years ago. He said that often people will hear something like "people need to keep their racket face open" so they do that. Well, if their racket face is already open, then that won't improve their game at all. It will probably make it worse. The advice about an open racket face is for people whose racket face is closed, eh?

However, if you are someone like me with lots of projects (someone Coach Barbara Sher calls a scanner) then this could do you some real good. Expecting gold stars on everything is crazy making. Doing some activities "badly" leaves you enough time to do them all. Bingo!

Or perhaps you are a One* on the Enneagram, often called The Perfectionist. Try my motto.

*I believe myself to be a Nine with a strong One wing, but I'm a mere dabbler in the Enneagram world. I read several books on the subject, but the one I found most helpful was full of cute cartoons: The Enneagram Made Easy by Elizabeth Wagele. I notice I'm feeling ashamed of this admission. Quick: Anything worth doing is worth doing badly!

Guest blogger: My mom!

Dear Sharry. I like your new blog.

I would like to add a few thoughts that I have at age 90.
Don't live in the past or look too far into your future.
Do not dwell on what you could do in the past that you can no longer do.
Do what you can do and realize how blessed you are.
Try to keep up with changes in the world.
Realize that change will come and try to adjust to change.
Dealing with loss is another MUST!
Look out beyond self and try to do something for someone else.
I am sure there are many more truths but these are a few I have found to be helpful.

Love Mother

Some notes on this SoulCollage card. The photos are of my mother, of course. In the bottom left she is pregnant with me. One of her son-in-laws dubbed her the Texas Tornado, but in my experience her energy produced much more beauty than mayhem.
Return to Home page or visit SoulCollage talkabout for more SoulCollage cards

Train saga

Dear Eli,

This morning I was sitting in my offic, meditating. I heard what sounded like a train crash! When I went outside I found that the train that runs near our house had malfunctioned. The noise I heard was the train backing up so it wouldn't block Walker St. All the middle school kids have to cross Walker St. to get to school! However, now it was blocking Normal Ave.

I went over there with my camera because this was a particularly interesting train--many open cars. I'm adding photos so you can see what it was like. I wish you had been here with me. We could have crawled under or explored by climbing through. One woman climbed over the couplings to get back home.

There is a warm wind blowing this morning. Around here we call it a Chinook wind.

Love,

Gramma Sharry

Train stalled on Normal Ave.
Train mural

Climbing back home



Windows

Balance

I just returned from a week at the Santa Sabina Center in San Rafael, California. What a beautiful place. It was a nunnery located at the edge of Dominican University. The Sisters now live elsewhere and allow groups to hold conferences, retreats, seminars, and performances at the Center. I was attending the first session of a three year course, the Embodied Life Mentorship Program led by Russell Delman. Twenty-seven of us met to deepen meditation, body awareness, inner inquiry, and interpersonal communication.

I felt tipsy most of the week. When I lay down for an ATM (awareness through movement) lesson, the world seemed to swing wildly east and west. Ditto on standing. Some days I felt off-balance even while strolling through the gardens or sketching in the basement art rooms. As I sat in meditation our last evening (nowhere close to bliss, mostly struggling not to fall off my chair as I nodded off) I felt a clear "click" of understanding. My whole life is out of balance.

A few days before heading off to Santa Sabina, a friend sent me an interesting youtube clip called Did You Know? ? It suggests some of the reasons so many of us are speeding along the information highway with too few stops. For me this looks like: checking e-mail every 30 seconds, knowing more about China than my neighbor and getting computer chair back strain. I'm retired for heaven's sake. I create my own schedule.

So how to restore balance? How to maintain balance? For starters I'm going to revisit Santa Sabina virtually. The slide show is located just below this post.